The Second Arrow

Women that understand this are the women that heal.

We inflict the deeper pain upon ourselves. 

Yes, he was emotionally unavailable/had narcissistic tendencies/was a full blown narcissist.

And yes, because of that, you were a victim to behaviour you are NOT responsible for.

There was a point at which you should have but you didn’t leave, where you saw the red flags and still stayed. You loved him, you saw his little boy hurting, I get it.

But the DEEPER pain you inflict upon yourself is in not letting go.

In fighting for him and loving him despite how much it DEVESTATES you.

Destroys your self esteem and self worth.

Disconnects you from your true, authentic self.

Denies your moving on and healing.

Internal self harm in this way is called the “second arrow” in Buddhism.

When you understand that you’ve pointed the bow and arrow at YOURSELF, you will begin to shift.

When you understand that what's causing you harm is your scared, naive, young inner child, and not your TRUE self, you will find compassion for her.

Come into relationship with her, ask her to put down her weapons.

Tell her to rest now - because you don’t need to fight within yourself anymore.

She needs to feel safe within you, loved, heard, understood. 

She needs YOU to be there for you. Not for you to be clinging to yet another man who has rejected you time and time again.

Lifelong chronic self abandonment takes time to turn around. Like a ship at sea, it takes time to change course, to do a full 180. 

But you've got to turn this ship around, my dear, before it's too late.

Words by Amy Kerr

Art by Christian Schole