What Matters Most

At the end of one's life, we wonder 

What things truly matter?

The things that we bought 

Or what we built with them?

The stuff that we accumulated

Or those we shared with others?

The wealth and fame we achieved

Or our principles, our character? 

Is success measured by popularity

Instead of significance?

We must live a life that matters

Live a life full of love

Because in the end,

We must strive to contribute

And make a positive difference.

Guilt

quiet, 

unassuming 

it lays dormant, 

passive.

am I able to 

silence and ignore it for long?

just have it buried, 

locked, 

and somehow 

forgotten?

oh no, 

it feeds, 

gathering strength, 

it grows

waiting, 

timing, 

planning, 

to rear its hideous head one day.

just when everything feels perfect and happy and done

then, crash!

it starts ---

once revived, 

it spreads, 

it cuts, 

it poisons.

Pinctada

within a dark 

enclosed space

dank and solitary

i mark time 

and experience life 

pulsating around me

constantly 

bombarding  my world

with impurities 

from this vast unknown

with contaminants unrelenting

notwithstanding the carapace

protecting my core

i brace myself

and fortify my home

smothering the intruder

with a constant nacre

of warmth and compassion

until the unwelcomed transforms

to become my beloved

and from within my unattractive form

a precious beauty is miraculously born

Free Fall

With him there is no beginning nor any end,

always just a long overdrawn out middle

full of maybe's and conscious hesitations ---

fearing the claws of men's righteous institutions.

We're on a perpetual tightrope everyday you see,

keeping their many judgmental spotlights at bay,

we jumped in with no safety nets, no insurance policy

just a silent promise, and a mutual understanding,

to fall in together, to be dauntless, and someday be free.

Double-Edged Sword

You 

are both my happiness

and my sorrow,

pushing me to the edge 

of my sanity

to taste 

the wondrous fountain 

of joy 

and the sweet temptation 

of pain.

Armor of Yesterday's Misfortunes

The more words I put down in writing, 
the lighter I feel. 
It's as if I am shedding old skin. 
Skin that has been scarred beyond repair 
and plagued with disease, 
they have proven impossible to heal. 
I have walked around with this burden 
wrapped around me like an armor - 
a hidden weapon waiting to be unleashed. 
I took pride in dragging my past 
as if it is the only way 
that can give me substance, 
give my life any meaning - 
a badge of honor that can somehow 
make me unique than everybody else, 
a magical talisman 
that can help me ward of 
any unfortunate event 
and stay protected 
from the perils of my unknowns. 
Over the years though, 
I have learned that it does not work that way. 
It even became 
my personal magnet of despair and misfortune. 

And so, here I am, trying my best

to put all my scars on paper with ink,

hoping that someday soon

I will be able to soar

and reach my destination

unburdened and finally free.

Hooked

what would you say
if I asked you today
do you want me to stay
and pain to go away?

life gets so crazy
you'll feel less needy
your cares will ebb
... oh so very easily.

yes, my dear,
I am a magician
who can transform you
completely.

it's all up to you
you know what to do
keep me or kick me
I am at your mercy.

Twilight

And so, another twilight comes

and my sleepless night is about to crawl in.

I have not heard from you, for hours

so I am guessing, most of tonight 

will be spent speculating

the why's and why not's once again.

I am so not looking forward

to hours trapped inside my head

full of regrets, if only's and what if's.

Lessons From History

 

If you ever think this will never happen again, rethink
History has a way of cycling back 

   unless we learn and affect change
So let us protect what liberties we have now
And never remain silent and indifferent
If someone's rights are in any way threatened,
Or abused, ignored, and belittled for any reason.
This is how we ensure YOU and YOURS will be protected.
Because down the road, it may happen closer to home
And before we know it, its already US and OURS.
If it exists, it will grow, and if it grows, it will be here.
It is up to all of us to be vigilant, to know when to act
To be present, alert and to finally speak up...
Or else, ready or not, it might happen all over again

Carry On

Have you ever wondered about that road not taken? 

Don't.

It is easy enough to fall down into that rabbit hole

There is a reason why that path is now just a memory

A glimpse of the past and of who you once were

A treasured anecdote that elicit a smile in hindsight

The person you once were, people you've met and places you've been

A tale of dreams you once hatched and later have lost

Look around to where you are and what you have

This life you have now did not happen by mere chance

This is where your heart and your mind led you to be

For we are the sum of the million little choices that we made

We are exactly where we want to be

So take that pebble off your shoe and continue the journey

Cherish what you have accomplished, enjoy this life and carry on

Impaired

 

as night comes
i feel scared
not knowing how
to tell you "no"
it hurts in ways
i can't comprehend
but the feeling
is never meant for you
as the past crawls in
i cannot stop
these awful thoughts
that i am trapped
as i get sucked in
that threatening grip
of my tormented past

Unremarkable

Meeting you wasn't remarkable

There was no chemistry, not a spark,
Our frequency was totally off
Nothing between us hit the mark.
Trust was what made the difference,
Honesty is what made things right
And in the end the feeling just hit me,
I then saw you in a different light.
You're my anchor, you're my rock
You stood by me, no matter what,
Even now, you are here with me
Everyday present, holding my hand.
Love at first sight, did not happen,
That myth was not for you and me,
We got something so much better,
Love that endured time, constant, 

 loving unconditionally.

The Meeting

She was to see an old friend, of whom she has lost sight for eighteen years.

At one time he was her most intimate friend, one whom she was able to bare her young soul and also her heart. One of a handful of friends who knew her thoughts, with whom she passed long, insightful, happy conversations, to whom she told some of her secret dreams, and who was able to draw out from her those rare, ingenious, delicate thoughts born of that similar woeful circumstance they shared.

For a short while, they shared thoughts and dreams together; liked the same things, had believed the same socio-political principles, admired the same authors, trembled with the same sensations, and very often laughed at the same individuals, whom they understood completely by merely exchanging a glance.

Then he left. He left, quite suddenly, to attend a different school too far for them to continue their afternoon conversations. That intelligent, clever young fellow whom she has made a unique connection has gone away. She cannot understand why these things have to happen. No doubt his family had hoped for a better future for their firstborn, they have sent him in this far away place where both of them can no longer see nor talk to each other again.

What would he be like when she meets him again? Still lively, witty, light-hearted and enthusiastic, or in a state of social torpor induced by a long and difficult academic life? A man may change greatly in the course of eighteen years!

The taxi stopped in front of the coffee house, and as he got out of the cab, a weary-looking man wearing a formal shirt and a black laptop bag rushed up to her with an exhausted look, apologizing: "Sorry, I'm late" she smiled at him, but she did not immediately recognize him, and then she said, in stride: "Don't I even get a smile and a hug?" And he replied with a laugh:

"What did you expect? Long work hours, traffic, too much deadlines and a boss that won't get off my back! Work, work and more work, that is my existence!"

She looked at him closely, trying to discover in that weary face the features she held so dear. His eyes alone had changed, but she still saw the same expression in them, and she said to herself: "If the expression be the reflection of the mind, the thoughts in that head are still what they used to be; those thoughts which I knew so well."

Yet his eyes were dull, brooding and almost always anxious about something, but they still have that clear, intelligent expression which shows as much as words the brightness of the intellect. Suddenly he said:

"I apologize for being so late, I had to meet with a client on my way out of the office plus the traffic on the way here is much worse than I have expected."

He said this in a proud, self-satisfied, almost triumphant manner, and she felt a profound sense of sadness, mingled with a feeling of vague resentment, for this vainglorious individual.

"I know a place where we can eat, I am starving, you ready?"

They set off away from the center of the city, a noisy, crowded amalgam of people, shops and merchandise, where everything seems to be bright and moving. He carried her heavy overnight bag as if he has done it a thousand times before, as if it is the most natural thing for him to do. It made her feel a bit uncomfortable, she can't understand why. She felt nervous and at the same time giddy as she fall in step to that old familiar feeling she thought she lost years ago...

Finally

let go

breathe

I never thought I'll make it here

but here I am

finally

free of you

and the weight burdening my heart

is thankfully 

gone.

I had my doubts

that this can ever happen

but here I am

and I did.

Pessimist

 

plump up on sugar
bust out  your eyes
hypnotized by the screen
for the rest of your lives
puff on those smokes
gobble more pills
dry out the alcohol
your life for cheap thrills
ingest those toxins
inhale those fumes
this Millennial generation
might be headed for doom

The Unborn

I am but a small voice
    in a sea
    of shouting indignation
everyone clamoring
    for attention,
    demanding what is theirs.


But what about me?
    a voice unheard,
         unseen,
         unable to comprehend,
         much less demand ---
    just a passive recipient
         of whatever comes

         from your hand. 

Consequence of Silence

Hatred is scattering its potent seeds
Aimed at tired and indifferent minds
People both too young and too old to care 
Become complacent, cowards, deaf and blind.

See the gloom spreading like an old cancer

Poisoning each and every single thought

With our backs turned and our eyes averted

We go about these endless days aimlessly lost.

Our lips sealed, too scared to be seen or heard

Or else walk about branded as troublemakers

Stir up that pot that nobody wants to taste

Our stomachs grumbling for a deeper hunger.

A taste for good old justice, equality and truth

Have we forgotten the power of our collective voices?

Our chorus of alternative choices that can shed light

If we come together, impassioned, aware, undeterred.

Speak up! Get involved and start to care again!

This is our homeland, our future and our strife!

We should never trade it over for words left unsaid

Or the consequence of our silence is our lives!

Try

 

Fear kills more dreams
than failure ever will
so go out there and try
and feel proud that you did.

In a few years you will look back
while remembering how you felt,
don't feel bad, keep your chin up
you did your best, with what is dealt.

Wounds

 

the hardest thing in life
is to watch someone you love
love someone else
but, to be lied about it
that is a needless blow

look me in the eyes
and admit it you coward!
don't pretend you still care
don't continue to insult me
with your deceptive words
and poison my heart further
you stabbed me in the heart
now you cry about your wounds?

this is the thing about betrayal ---
dismally, it never comes
from one's enemy
the more you care
the deeper the wound

It Is Time

 

Be here
or be gone
there is no
in between
I have begged
but no more
the end,
it starts here
I have dreamt
now I wake
woeful still
and alone
It is time
to restart
without you
and move on.

Uncertain

 
We stood there, not moving for a while
sweaty palms, nervous hearts
looking at each other
uncertain of what to do next.

We are here, and now, face to face
both anxious, unsure and afraid
as we search for a hint of hesitation.
Are we looking to find
even a slight glimmer of doubt?

Holding each other's gaze
he weakly smiled, leaned close to me
and reached for the door
I heard a soft click
and I swallowed hard.

Slowly, deliberately,
he wrapped his arms around me.
Unbidden, sorrow welled up inside
as I tried to blink back tears ---
He is false hope,
her love, not mine...

Suddenly, I feel a warm hand cup my face
and as I lifted my gaze
to stare back at those eyes
full of love and kindness,
I feel the warmth of his touch
spread through my whole body.

Sunrise and Sunset

I have always been fascinated with the amazing play of colors in the sky. And although I am not an astronomer or a meteorologist, my years of experience watching the sky and its fabulous cloud formations; sunrises and sunsets, have led me to believe that there is an unusual pattern going on.

Colorful sunrises are breathtaking. The range of colors are just wonderful that even a skilled painter couldn't replicate how majestic they are to behold! But as I have seen over the years, colorful sunrises are a harbinger to a challenging weather during the day. The most colorful sunrises that I have witnessed are mostly during the winter months and right before an upcoming wave of precipitation during the day (excessive rain or snow).

On the other hand, beautiful sunsets that explode with its own wondrous colors tend to promise the opposite. A wonderful sunset forecasts a beautiful weather ahead the day after. Isn't that curious?

As an over-thinker, this prompts me at times to equate sunrises and sunsets with people and relationships. There are certain persons that give you that initial impression of an overwhelming attraction. It is a mixture of all these exciting emotions that you cannot contain, a bombardment of extreme feelings. But as the relationship progress, you realize that the experience you have during that initial contact does not prepare you for the challenges it brings later on. There are those individuals on the other hand that have been there for a long time in your life. And only at the lowest point of your life that you realize their worth. 

Maybe this is the reason why I love sunsets. They give me a sense of comfort after that long tedious journey within the day. It gives me calm and hope and prompts me to a somber reflection. Sunsets for me are a muted reminder that life is short, there is always beauty and a reason to be thankful everyday.

Amazing sunrises still impresses me though from time to time, but I have since learned to prepare for the challenges that comes after.

Falling In Love

 

We simply do not fall in love with the body,
we fall in love with the soul.

We fall for their thoughts, their hearts
their fears and their hopes
the way they treat other people
and take care of their own
the way they respect their parents
how they worry about their friends
their mindful way about things
and thoughtful ways towards each soul.

Say the right things, do the right things
they bring the sun in your darkest day
a smile, a bubbly warmth, springs forth from your core---
Yes, that's how love is planted my dear.

To be alive, to feel, to soar, to thrive
be enveloped in this mysterious cocktail of emotions
feelings of warmth, of joy, of rapturous delight
sprinkled here and there with anguish and dejection.

All of this and more,
this is how we fall my love,
eyes wide open, and souls bare.
Propinquity or by attraction, who knows?
Falling in love will always remain a mystery, 
reserved for the few brave souls who dare.