Uncertain

 
We stood there, not moving for a while
sweaty palms, nervous hearts
looking at each other
uncertain of what to do next.

We are here, and now, face to face
both anxious, unsure and afraid
as we search for a hint of hesitation.
Are we looking to find
even a slight glimmer of doubt?

Holding each other's gaze
he weakly smiled, leaned close to me
and reached for the door
I heard a soft click
and I swallowed hard.

Slowly, deliberately,
he wrapped his arms around me.
Unbidden, sorrow welled up inside
as I tried to blink back tears ---
He is false hope,
her love, not mine...

Suddenly, I feel a warm hand cup my face
and as I lifted my gaze
to stare back at those eyes
full of love and kindness,
I feel the warmth of his touch
spread through my whole body.

Sunrise and Sunset

I have always been fascinated with the amazing play of colors in the sky. And although I am not an astronomer or a meteorologist, my years of experience watching the sky and its fabulous cloud formations; sunrises and sunsets, have led me to believe that there is an unusual pattern going on.

Colorful sunrises are breathtaking. The range of colors are just wonderful that even a skilled painter couldn't replicate how majestic they are to behold! But as I have seen over the years, colorful sunrises are a harbinger to a challenging weather during the day. The most colorful sunrises that I have witnessed are mostly during the winter months and right before an upcoming wave of precipitation during the day (excessive rain or snow).

On the other hand, beautiful sunsets that explode with its own wondrous colors tend to promise the opposite. A wonderful sunset forecasts a beautiful weather ahead the day after. Isn't that curious?

As an over-thinker, this prompts me at times to equate sunrises and sunsets with people and relationships. There are certain persons that give you that initial impression of an overwhelming attraction. It is a mixture of all these exciting emotions that you cannot contain, a bombardment of extreme feelings. But as the relationship progress, you realize that the experience you have during that initial contact does not prepare you for the challenges it brings later on. There are those individuals on the other hand that have been there for a long time in your life. And only at the lowest point of your life that you realize their worth. 

Maybe this is the reason why I love sunsets. They give me a sense of comfort after that long tedious journey within the day. It gives me calm and hope and prompts me to a somber reflection. Sunsets for me are a muted reminder that life is short, there is always beauty and a reason to be thankful everyday.

Amazing sunrises still impresses me though from time to time, but I have since learned to prepare for the challenges that comes after.

Falling In Love

 

We simply do not fall in love with the body,
we fall in love with the soul.

We fall for their thoughts, their hearts
their fears and their hopes
the way they treat other people
and take care of their own
the way they respect their parents
how they worry about their friends
their mindful way about things
and thoughtful ways towards each soul.

Say the right things, do the right things
they bring the sun in your darkest day
a smile, a bubbly warmth, springs forth from your core---
Yes, that's how love is planted my dear.

To be alive, to feel, to soar, to thrive
be enveloped in this mysterious cocktail of emotions
feelings of warmth, of joy, of rapturous delight
sprinkled here and there with anguish and dejection.

All of this and more,
this is how we fall my love,
eyes wide open, and souls bare.
Propinquity or by attraction, who knows?
Falling in love will always remain a mystery, 
reserved for the few brave souls who dare.

Unspoken

615, 900, 1100, 1224, 922

Within the eternities
of noon and the sunset
intertwined within moments
of unbearable joy
and thoughtful sorrows

With the folly of forgotten garlic,
fresh shrimp and 'dianying'
along with whispered talks
and silent tears
a constant sigh
hangs in the air---
acknowledged yet unspoken.

Locked between the shadow
of measured happiness
and a longing for more
our souls danced together
and time stood frozen to watch.

Here, two lonely half-souls
collide for the first time ---
finally, and at last.

Introspect

I believe my thoughts are deadly

And my chaotic mind is loud

There are too many individuals living in here

That I often get lost in the crowd

Most people scratch their heads

Trying to figure me out

Who am I going to be today?

Even I have my own doubts

Just Breathe

Catch your breath
Take your time
Nothing that serious
Is on the line
Doom is just all
Inside your head
Don't overthink
Nor jump far ahead
Things will happen
Days always come
Just do your best
Before the day is done
Don't try to own
Every little blame
Don't try to carry
All of the shame
One step at a time
Live for today
One day at a time
Don't waste time away
Love yourself
Search for that joy
Be here, be present
You're alive, enjoy!

Choice

 

Each within us
lies the spark of light
and along with it, undeniable,
the shadow of darkness.
Everyday becomes a struggle
for that is why we are here ---
to experience the gift of life
and to choose, who wins.

Cuts

 

your words 
are slowly cutting me open
just to leave me 
out there to bleed
as every promise you made
is a thousand sharpened blades
contrived to whittle me 
away to nothingness 
how many more cuts 
must I endure for you?

Sad Eyes

 

Sad eyes on a happy face, 

caressing fading memories 

while tormented 

by slivers of endearing thoughts. 

Here I am, wasting away. 

Should I let go or just lose control? 

I honestly think 

they may be one and the same.

Black Bile

Always lost and on my own

Nobody there beside me

Just trying to stay afloat

In this vast solitary journey

No one to hold my hand

Nor smile any encouragements 

Never felt a pat on my shoulder

Nor heard whispers of endearment

I may not be all alone 

But I do always feel lonely

My body constantly stiff and cold

Like someone's out to attack me

It hurts and doesn't feel good

To eternally feel this way

Too tired and misunderstood 

I just want to fade away

Love Me

 

Love me

like there's no tomorrow
with the stolen moments
we have risked to borrow
from the ones who own us
but never quite belonged
knowing full well it is us, 
in the end, all along.

Hold me
like you've never done before
feel this love
nestled deep in my soul
dance with me
through this endless night
though we know it's wrong
it will always feel right.


Give me 
a long lingering kiss
lead me down 
a blissful abyss
we will never again
have a moment like this
leave me complete
with nothing to miss.

Dark Muse

I need you more
than I want you
I love you more
than I dared
It hurts me more
than it feels good
But I honestly
don't even care 
I need you 
and you want me
Sadly, you are 
too far away
I held you once
like forever
Too bad you did not 
choose to stay

Lost Years

  

The years we lost

before and after we found ourselves

face to face once again, 

after two decades 

The years after we stitched those dreams together 

and the years before those same dreams 

suddenly ended; abandoned

not knowing if they will be ever owned again

The cracks in between promises 
made out of the fragile trust between friends, 
built over words 

uttered in confidence 
so many memories ago

cherished once, but now hanging worthless 

amidst poisoned air 
trying so hard to sound sincere and clever

Your eyes betray you 
along with your trembling hands 
that couldn't get enough cigarettes 
to burn one after another 
as if you're always running out of time

I might have known all along 
yet I still played the fool 
choosing to hold on to the painting on the wall 
the idyllic picture I painted of you and I
and what we could have been together

I was foolish 

to dangerously ignore the malicious entity 

that had always been there 
lurking just beneath your benevolent pretense

hiding a deceitful and cruel mind, 

always ready to choke me and leave me lifeless
the minute there is nothing more for me to give
and nothing left for you to take

Dark Days

there are certain days
bleakly grey and dreadful
as if something awful
is just lurking around the corner

a dark cloud hangs above
my already muddled head
and the world seemingly
distant as if in a dream

my emotions are anaesthetized
coming out inadequate, apathetic
unable to connect, a bit unsure
apprehensive and conflicted

a truly desolate state of mind
growing indifferent and aloof
unable to fear, love or hate
an existence detached and forlorn

Questions

every day now, I kind of die just a little
as I constantly feel you drift further away from me
visions of my once painted future gets bleaker
my youthful spirit burnt out, replaced with ennui
my inkwell of poetry about you almost dry
and my soulful quill of emotions now stiff
as I am left now with a roomful of parchment
all the time in my hands but my thoughts all adrift
how did I get here in this depressing state?
where did all my passion for life go?
am I left with just a shell of my past self
the day I asked you, and you replied, "I don't know"

Selfless

Although he truly loves her
He knows she was a prisoner
Wrapped in his heavy chains
Until none of her soul remains
He knew then he had to set her free
Even if he had to face what could be
But at least she would be able to fly
Tears will be no longer in those eyes
To finally become all that she will
Yet from afar, he will love her still

Creatures of the Night

Two unlikely runners
Sprint into the moonlight
Both cursed by affliction
All humans will spite

He howls at the full moon
And craves the taste of flesh
The other loathes sunlight
And prefers her blood fresh

They met by accident
Just a few moons ago
Attracted by the prey
They both tried to pursue

Instead what they both found
Is obvious attraction
That thereafter blossomed
To a deeper connection

As the shared nights passed by
Their affection flourished
Unusual, forbidden
They kept their love nourished

Key is to be cautious
Stay low yet on alert
This aberrant union
Must stay guarded, covert

So they meet in the woods
Where the future seems right
They run in the darkness
For love, every night

Of Life and Love

in another life
we are simply two strangers
walking past each other
holding someone else's arms
not ever knowing the other existed
and how empty this made our world

and in another life
we are the happiest of lovers
living to make each other smile
and enjoying the rest of our forever

however, in this current life
we are nothing but two sad strangers
carrying a shared memory
both hoping to move on and live
however lonely without each other

in this life
we have known how it is to love

and yet, in the end

we had to endure life without it

Lonely

not alone but lonely
and hurting just the same
it's always the same story
when my soul calls your name
close but not touching
present yet never near
bathed in deep yearning
that time cannot heal
full of love yet so empty
fortunate yet in despair
this world without you
is the life I have to bear

Loss

You said you will stay,
where are you now?
Stepping through
the ghost of what was
and what we could 
never become,
a sudden pang of loss 
stabbed me on the chest,
slowly spreading, squeezing,
suffocating me.
No proper farewell,
not even a parting word.
Everything, suddenly silenced
I'm afraid, 
this time for good.

Broken Promises

Broken promises and scattered lies

are lingering, heavy, suspended in midair

steadily permeating my whole being

always succeeding to warm my heart

while slowly suffocating my mind

killing my spirit and draining my soul.

Games

He played with my heart
But that was okay
I had my own fun
Along the way
Until it was not
Just for fun anymore
Left me beaten, scarred
Right down to my core
At the end, it all was
No one's fault but mine
Let him get too close
Just to fight my ennui
Until it was too late
I already cared
I went too far
Than I originally dared

Dark and Deadly Sins

Oh my dearest one
how much darkness have you seen?
Have you seen the darkness
of the human soul?
Men sucking each other dry
just to fill one's belly?
Loved ones unable
to convey their feelings
end up smiting one another
due to misunderstandings?
The selfish neglect
of ones responsibilities
just  to lose oneself in vice?
Once honorable men crumble
when confronted by
temporary monetary gain?
The weak-willed become
all to eager to succumb to their lust?
We humans all pretend to be 
moral creatures, but in truth,
we are just driven by 
our most base instincts.
We are corrupt, malicious beings
imperfect, yet always boastful
of our superiority among all creatures.
The worst of humanity
is always capable of unspeakable evils.
However, we are not inherently corrupt.
We are still redeemable.
Our benevolent intentions 
more than makes up for our actions.
But however pure and selfless 
our actions and intent are,
all of us, in the end, must face our judgment.

The Song

Every single heart sings,
yet they bleed
Because their songs 
are still incomplete
And until another heart
whispers back
Their life remains
all too bittersweet.
Those who wish to sing
always find the song
And those who can hear
will start to dance
To this magical affliction
known to all men ---
This touch of Love,
no one stands a chance.

No More Excuses

How many promises 
Have you given me?
Every single one drawn 
Sadly over shifting sand
Not one of them ever kept
And treated as if never uttered
What does that say about us
If I cannot count on you?
There is Love 
And there is Hate
And in between them 
Lies a very thin line ---
Sadly, I now find myself
Standing on it.

Somewhere

I hold your heart
yet you are still too far away
cruel twists of fate
kept us apart.
But despite the distance
our souls kept fighting
to reach out and celebrate
each other's half.
I want to be happy
I want to be selfish
and break this cage that
keeps me away from you.
I can't wait for sleep
to meet you there
in our secret place ---
just in between anywhere
and nowhere.
Even time itself 
cannot make us forget.

Don't fret
many possibilities still abound.
There could yet be a place 
waiting for us somewhere
unbound by the rules
of our present hapless circumstance.

Prisoner

You torture me with your indifference
making me question my place in your world
Where I constantly await my chance
to be in your sights again
or gain your good favor
Is that the way it's ever going to be?
just begging for scraps,
always her instead of me?
Your deafening silence fans this misery
cursed perturbation, please set me free.

Trapped

Footsteps echo
in the memory
down the passage 
we did not take
towards the door
we never opened
Somehow,
we are always here
at this moment

you and I

Heart trapped 
in desperate imaginings
of love's what-if's
What might have been 
is an abstraction, 
a perpetual possibility
only in a world of speculation
What might have been
and what has been
point to one end
which is always present
only in the realm 

of the unknown

Maybe

The reason it hurts so much to separate 

is because our souls are connected. 

Maybe they always have been and will be. 

Maybe we have lived 

a thousand lives before this one, 

and in each of them 

we have been forced apart 

for the same reasons.

This means that this goodbye 

is both a goodbye 

for the past ten thousand years 

and a prelude 

of what is yet to come.

When I look at you, 

I see your beauty and grace 

and know that they have grown stronger 

with every life you have ever lived. 

And I know that I have spent 

every life before this one searching for you. 

Not someone like you, but you. 

For your soul and mine 

must always come together. 

And then, 

for a reason neither of us understands,  

we have been forced to say goodbye. 

I would love to tell you 

that everything will work out for us, 

and I promise that I will do all that I can 

to make sure that it does. 

But if we never meet again 

and that this is truly goodbye, 

I know we will see each other again 

in another life. 

We will find each other again, 

and maybe the stars will have changed, 

and we will not only love each other in that time, 

but for all the times we've  had before.

Memento

A journey back in time 
From years far gone
You're in a decrepit state 
And your age unknown
Warped and faded
Discolored and torn
Dusty and chipped
Overgrown and forlorn
Your beauty left unnoticed
Overlooked and neglected
Until my world slowed down
My life put in perspective
The memories you hold
From my years gone past
The spark you possess
Unlocked another chance
For me to touch, to hold
All at once transporting me
Somewhere dear and personal
With a special meaning to see
Reminding me of a face, a place
A feeling, a particular state of mind
Hoping I was there again present
At that exact moment in time

The Moon

I looked up at the Moon tonight 

and was again mesmerized 

by the mysterious beauty she casts 

to admirers like us from afar. 

Like hopeless lovers, 

we couldn't resist 

her magical attraction, 

especially on a clear 

and lovely night. 

Not even the presence 

of a multitude of stars - 

bigger and brighter than her, 

can ever compare 

to her enchanting countenance. 

We stop, 

we stare, 

and get overwhelmed 

with wistful emotions. 

We are too weak 

to try and turn our backs, 

we simply 

cannot look away.

Farewell

I was desolate, lost and left behind
staring at this line where sky and earth meet
long after the sails that carried you
drifted further and further away

beyond the edge of my world
towards the unknown, out of reach
Slowly the colors of the world started to fade, 
drained cruelly away by the same beast that took you
Even the pull and crash of the waves 
upon the shore stood muffled,
the relentless breath of the winds halted
as the beating of my heart slowed to a stop
In this lifetime, I have loved many times
but one love has burned my soul forever
I am not going to miss you
I am not going to find you
I am not going to look for you
I don't want to know where you are
Not anymore

Candor

Come now and bare your soul to me

Allow me to touch the core of your being

Let us start with no more question unanswered

And no more thoughts left unsaid

The Other Side of Here

Close your eyes and reach out to my outstretched soul
Waiting for you on the other side of reality
When you and I are once again face to face --- 
Looking straight at each other's eyes 
Not with the faithful yearning that we always carry
But with the joy of finally being present, together,
When our souls are able to touch and dance with each other
Like they were always meant to be
How the heavens suddenly wept, and then exploded 
With such brilliance and celebration ---
"Finally", the Universe will sigh, "at last!".

Abeyance

Who are you 

always asking me to wait, 

to understand, to forgive?
Is it not enough that 

I have offered my world at your feet?
And tell me, 

what do I get in return?
Crumbs of time 

when you have nothing else to do?
A haphazardly written message 

when you are half-awake and couldn't sleep?
A  plea for attention 

when nobody else seem awake 

to give you an ear?
Do not ask me anymore to wait, 

please, not much longer
For I am teetering on the brink.

Wordsmiths

We find beauty in words.

There is something about them that enchants us. 

But the truth is, the beauty is not in the words,

it comes from the wordsmith. 

 

Words are eternally powerful and timeless.

Uttered or written, I guess it doesn't really matter. 

Ultimately, they end up deeply etched

in the recipient's being, carried forever within –

either treasured or abhorred.

So be careful with your words

and handle them prudently. 

 

Wordsmiths are the magicians

of our modern world.

They can breathe life back

to a hopeless case

or deliver a killing blow

to someone in his utmost prime.

This magic comes from gifted minds

who can arrange familiar words together

that will eventually find their way

into our very hearts, minds and even souls

this gift is rare and must be treasured.

These words induce heartaches,

perplex us, bring us to tears

and fill our minds with endless worlds and wonder. 

Their power is limitless.

Their unpredictable minds

can string up words together

in various ways and make them come out 

magnificently spellbinding each and every time.

We all have the same sack of words

that we carry around to use as we please,

however, only a handful of skilled wordsmiths

are able to create emotions

such that we have never felt remotely possible

just by digesting their crafted words.